Dear Bell Canada:

Please stop calling me.

I always know it’s you calling, because there’s a huge long gap between when I pick up the phone and say “Hello,” and when someone actually responds. It is very annoying. It’s a much longer lag than I get when the lawn-care companies call, so if you are not sure what kind of telephone solicitation systems to use, maybe you could call and ask The Weed Man.

Secondly: Please don't call me with people who can barely speak English. It reflects badly upon you.

And please, don't tell me my name has been randomly drawn to receive a great offer. I already knew it’s a sale pitch. But now I know you also think I’m stupid.

Oh, and don't say it’s a courtesy call when you're just trying to sell me stuff. That goes beyond incompetence to hypocrisy. And it’s bad manners.

And finally, when I say, very politely, that I'm not interested in this great offer, train your people what to say. Don't let them respond, “Oh, ok, goodbye.” Showing that little confidence in their product tells me that they are bad salespeople, and that you hire bad salespeople.

I would really like to believe that the company that supplies my telephone services is good at something.

Yours Sincerely
A Loyal Customer